‘Having a certificate of loss proves my baby existed’

Emma Barnett wrote about the heartbreak of losing a baby this week. She said receiving a certificate to mark the miscarriage has helped her family. Here, other women share their thoughts and feelings about the government’s new scheme for bereaved parents to commemorate pregnancy losses. The morning baby loss certificates were launched I found myself pouring my details into the website to apply.

It was really cathartic - I was surprised by how therapeutic it felt. We have lost four pregnancies over the last three years and I now have four of these certificates. None of the details seem to be on my medical record. A month later we went into lockdown and I began to bleed.

I went to hospital alone, wearing homemade PPE and the worst was confirmed. They said I could stay as I was bleeding heavily, but I was too scared. I passed the tiny baby and kept it in a box, before burying it under a tree. When I was miscarrying I was asked what I would want to do with the “remains.

I said nothing as it all felt so unreal. I have huge regret and guilt about how my baby passed. To deal with my emotions I kept using the phrase ‘it wasn’t viable’ Women in England who have lost a baby before 24 weeks of pregnancy can now apply for a certificate to commemorate their baby. You must be aged 16 or over and your pregnancy ended on or after 1 September 2018.

Welsh and Northern Ireland governments are both considering introducing baby loss certificates. Lizie has had 15 rounds of IVF and five pregnancies. She is hugely affected on a daily basis by her losses. She hopes certificates mean people feel they can talk about their losses.

Every positive pregnancy that ends in unwanted miscarriage will be recognised and registered - that women will no longer have to question if their baby counted. I lost my babies in the late 1970s but I still grieve, and I still wonder what the babies I lost would have become. I have nothing to commemorate them other than my memories. A baby loss certificate would give me something to confirm the sadness I felt - and feel - is justified.

It acknowledges the grief and the pain, and then the courage and eventual joy. It charts the beginning of a story for which there was eventually a happy ending.