‘I was mutilated at 16 but I won’t let it define me’

Valerie Lomari was taken by her grandmother to another village when she was 16. Now 52, she still lives with the emotional and physical trauma of FGM. The mother-of-three helps FGM survivors in Cambridgeshire, Hertfordshire and London. When I turned 16 she came to visit and said we were going on a holiday.

She thought it was making me clean and preparing me for marriage. I realised what was going to happen and decided to put up a fight. I wasn’t going to make it easy for them so I screamed and kicked with all my power. I felt betrayed by my grandmother.

She was the only person I loved and she had let this happen to me. I was made to lay down on the floor for a couple of hours for my bleeding to stop. After two days of being in that house, my grandmother took me to where she lived. I stayed there for some time, experiencing infections and multiple health concerns because of the cutting.

Even when we got married, I found it hard to speak to him, I was still so nervous. He had to gain my trust but he believed in me more than I believed in myself. After the fifth one, my husband persuaded me to go to the doctor, but I was terrified to let anyone examine me. My GP was so supportive and signposted me to an FGM specialist.

After having my third child, I found the courage to talk to my grandmother about what had happened. I told her everything I had been through and she broke down. She asked me to speak out about it and make sure people know the truth. That was the birth of my advocacy.

Five years ago, I decided to set up Women of Grace, an organisation that supports FGM survivors. I faced resistance at the start because the village where I live in Essex is predominantly white. FGM mainly affects migrant communities in the UK, but it can also affect people who have lived here for years. It’s often done by a loved one, behind closed doors.

Children need to know that their bodies belong to them. Charlie Jones says FGM is a life sentence and she is still living with the trauma. I refuse to let it define me. I am strong and I am loved and I won’t stop telling my story until this barbaric practice no longer exists," she says.